So, yeah. He couldnt actually find a virgin or three wise men., 10. Its an incredible place to live. Just because he asked them one simple question: "Heard any good jokes lately?" 6. There was a guy on the elevator with me. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train. Craig Baldo, All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. New York Sucks., 111. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . Why are we stoppin? 11. I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. My love life is terrible. Lets just go. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache, but dont try to have a conversation with me like you dont have a handlebar mustache. I made eye contact with this woman. Truth be told though, Ive never traveled without travel insurance and dont think you should either especialy since I think weve all had plans drastically change because of the pandemic. . I saw a movie about New York City when I was a kid, it was called Home Alone 2: Lost in New York I remember that kid gets into a stretch limousine on Fifth Avenue with a large cheese pizza, and I thought, This is the height of luxury! March 10, 2014. The cab flies into the air and starts breaking apart as the cabbie prays for his life. New York City in One Liner Jokes. 163. Many people already bank on it. Saul Bellow, New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature. Thomas Jefferson, New Yorkers realize its a filthy hole. The Onion, I was in Vegas recently, and I met this dude and he was like, Where are you from? and I said, New York City Hes like, Aw, man. Covering Rammsteins Du Hast in Berlin. Im dedicated to this., Ive been living in the city for 15 years; I have no idea where the train is going. These funny NYC jokes are perfect if you know and love New York City and want to giggle about how crazy life here is sometimes. The cabbie, embarrassed, agrees, and starts praying to god. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Where people treat each other right. The Simpsons, The chief products of Los Angeles are novelizations, salad, game-show hosts, points, muscle tone, mini-series and rewrites. Theres traffic, nobodys moving The guy behind me is honking just at me. Manhattan was jammed . Thats not my area up there! You cant do that. Why dont Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? Now its high time to bring you the best jokes about our fair city. 59. In span-ish. So great intuition, random lady on the train! What is a NYC nanosecond? Please add a link to this article. He was carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase in another. Cause that fact is way scarier than cyclones. Loving my trip to the Big Apple-tini. Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? Most of the time thats not so bad, but New York City? Henny Youngman, The trouble with New York is that its so convenient to everything I cant afford. Jack Barry, I moved to New York City for my health. 31. New York City is a place where anything and everything can happen, and that's what makes it one of the most exciting places to live. Slums with trees. Think New Yorkers dont get along? Whats up? 28. Seven and a half million of those stories are just excuses why people didnt vote for mayor. Looking for the best New York jokes that deal with life in the city? I was like, Yeah, you got my jacket! 37. But theres no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving. Craig Ferguson, You dont really drive in cabs in L.A. unless youre broke or homeless or if youre broke and driving the cab. Jay Mohr, Beverly Hills is very exclusive. De-stress with these jokes. What does a NYU grad call a Columbia grad in 5 years? Eve wanted to leave Eden and move to New York, but why? Dont surprise me on Brooklyn bridge. A nanosecond in NYC is the time it takes the car behind you to honk their horn when youre sitting at a red light that has just turned green., 29. 34. 2023 Vox Media, LLC. Here are the best jokes , and at the end, the winners. So for you to be a dildo, arrogant fan on top of that? Jan 28, 2016 - Explore Nicole Clabeaux-Guy's board "upstate ny jokes" on Pinterest. Did Cirie go too far by bringing family matters into the game? Show - New Jokes and Newbies. Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? [New York] is all sex and violence. And it doesnt matter where you areindoors, outdoors, fuckin in a park, in a museum, in a restaurant. I like having neighbors who arent writing screenplays. Rick Reynolds, I do love America. They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second., 35. In other parts of the country, couples try to stay together for the sake of the children. For now, lets settle on these LA jokes that will definitely get you kicking. Honestly, I dont get the big deal. Im paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right., 97. What kind of hipsters live in the Big Apple? Mencken, Moving from Los Angeles to Petaluma is the best thing I ever did. Moo York., 110. Now theres a store that just sells mayonnaise It is probably the most cartoonish, stereotypical image of gentrification I have ever seen. I come from New York, where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet., 83. None, they just beat the room for being black. 44. NYC subway commuters. ', 41. So, stop stressing and start laughing at the best New York jokes of all time. New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. 19. I live in New York. What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles? 22. You wanna pizza me? I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires., 30. Thats why I love karaoke so much it takes all the music I find annoying AND all the people I find annoying, and keeps it in one place I can easily avoid., 80. A visitor. Next stop, 205th Street. The worst thing is you cant really react, you know? Who was your source on that, New York Post? New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train., 79. AJokeADay pays cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes each week! Community events are not associated with or sponsored . *Sorry, there was a problem signing you up. Alabama! When were standing on 4th Street. Todd Barry, I was on the train. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. David Letterman, New York when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. David Letterman, I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. In case you dont know what gentrified means, its when a bunch of white people move to a fucked-up neighborhood and open up cupcake stores everywhere. Think about that, thats true. The Bank Loan A woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. I didnt get much sleep. A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. The guy was very rude. Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell., 37. You can get your purse snatched and your rear end pinched simultaneously., 87. Welcome! Upstate New York can be really cold. Alongside hilarious jokes and . Seven and a half million of those stories are just excuses why people didnt vote for mayor. Find more hilarious funny new york city jokes here. Theres only so much you can Cannoli do in Little Italy. What is the best way to get from Boston to NYC? The Cyclone was made in the year 1927. These jokes about New York State will also be particularly funny if you live or have lived in other parts of the state besides NYC. 178. 20. With great timing, a simple pun can make someone ROFL. My great grandmother worked on the Underground RailroadBut since she lived in NYC, we just called it the subway. After all, it is the city that never sleeps., 26. Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. Try another? As a 30+ year local, I know all about the pros and cons of living in New York City. Does anyone need to use the bathroom? Its like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first. Mitch Hedberg, I love New York. Because the Orangemen always look better on paper. Wait, how is that not an even number?, 32. Yeah, you know me. Try the New York pretzels. New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks., 14. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment, he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings, waiting for a fireman to cut him loose. John Oliver, Everybody in New York has lost their minds. I auditioned to live in Williamsburg but didnt get a callback., 69. Have you heard about the new Broadway show based on the dictionary? The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City., 88. I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won. A nanosecond in NYC is the time it takes the car behind you to honk their horn when youre sitting at a red light that has just turned green. Hes flashing! In New York, a guy flashes you, you took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss. Joan Rivers, California is a small woman saying fuck me. New York is a large man saying fuck you! George Carlin. New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). And most of those mysteries remain unsolved., 25. Our newsletter hand-delivers the best bits to your inbox. New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved. Johnny Carson, Its so cold here in New York that the flashers are just describing themselves. Johnny Carson, Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. Johnny Carson, My dad was the town drunk. Yeah, my friend and I have always been passionate about you not helping us. They all go like this: Once upon a time, I forgot. Yeah, they really dropped the ball. Although, I was at the library today. And where else can I have so much fun while writing? Why dont Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., 54. Most of the time thats not so bad, but in New York City? Wish Id known that before I risked my life. Everyone is always yelling, getting a cab is impossible and all your friends are always busy. 6. I love this city; its a great city. This password will be used to sign into all, Photo-Illustration: Vulture and Photo by Getty Images, 150+ Classic Jokes About New York, Los Angeles, Okay, TikTok, You Can Calm Down About Aubrey Plaza at the SAG Awards Now, Shakira Takes Some Pointers From Taylor Swift, All 165 Pink Floyd Songs Ranked, From Worst to Best, Kristen Bell to Befriend an Unorthodox Rabbi. You ever notice that? You white folks see UFOs in your dreams. NYC is an exciting place where something mysterious is always happeningmost of these instances remain unsolved. You feel sorryfor the dog. And they are all true! I got a roommate to save money. New York, Im sure our paths will croissant again. There are over 8 million people in this city. Since it was so hot in New York City today, the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down., 19. Thats like going to a casino and routing for the house. Doug Stanhope, Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. Looked exactly like Spalding Gray. Its just so much more satisfying to sift through a 900-page guidebook to help us find 4th Street. New Yorkie., 100. It wont take them long to tell you, just give them a few minutes to introduce themselves., 4. 175. Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a virgin. Whats the difference between Middle Earth and NYC? You know, everything in New York is just so pitcher perfect. Out-of-towners come to L.A. and rub it in my face.Hey, man, you know what you could buy for $700,000 in Alabama? Your brain is, like, fried," Nepola, 55, screams back while pointing at her best friend. New York is divine but Staten island floats my boat! The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers., 20. I didnt get much sleep. The suspension is giving me anxiety. Boss! The end., In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent, quick decision that you have to make about every 20 minutes. But out of respect, people still say, May I approach the bench? And thats sweet., 44. Dress up as a police officer., 7. 2. Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! 154. Because crap floats. OUR LATEST VIDEOS 2. As they say in the movie Jerry Maguire, You had me at AIDS. Heres how I would have ordered those things. In a Netflix comedy by Katharine McPhees stepdaughter. Where do New York chefs get their broth? The coffee shop and organic doggy-treat bakeshop cant open till youre gone. 9. Give it back now! He got back in his car and he locked his doors. Louis C.K. I do this every day on Tinder. They should change the name of that ride to 1927. But out of respect, people still say, May I approach the bench? And thats sweet. Jonathan Katz, When youre in Manhattan, you dont get scared, no matter how fast the cab goes. Yeah, I cant see the Forest Hills for the trees. For instance, their fire department wont make house calls. Mort Sahl, Homeless people in L.A. are different. 4. Why did New Year's Eve in NYC stink? A single tower fell in Paris., 107. I could never live there. We just want to dive into a pool without having to hold onto our bottoms. New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire., 60. It makes both states smarter!, 6. 8. And lets not tell them either. Think about that, thats true. Bookworms. Yeah. Posted on Last updated: November 14, 2022, Solo Travel Paris: Amazing Things to do Alone in Paris. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldnt that be an even number? For five days starting on Monday, October 8, were asking you to tweet your best jokes about a specific borough with the hashtag #borobash. 35. Reading the New York Post is like talking to someone who heard the news, and now theyre trying to give you the gist. 112. Itll be like: Comedian Aziz Ansari was killed in a car accident today. Youre not a penguin. Your closet is filled with black clothes. Because while New York City is amazing, its definitely not perfect. And whenever they go through the wreckage, theyll find my phone and be like, Whoa, thats what he looked up right before he died? Gonna be so sad. And that ten years, Id like to spend in New York. Harry Ruby, Gluten-free pizza elicits the same response at a Hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80s. Natasha Leggero, Everyones into health in Beverly Hills. 93. I have to for health reasons. Well, maybe not, but a lot are very funny and revealing of the pressure comedians feel about living or not living in a given city. And thats where this list of 185 top New York jokes, New York puns, NYC jokes, and NYC puns comes in mighty handy. A representative for Mr. Kilmer confirmed he was indeed in the film, and hopes this will prevent future tragedies of this nature. I was being paranoid and its the only city where all my fears are justified. We have the BEST jokes about New York in the World. Because the Big Apple captivated her. And if you found this post useful, be sure to join our email list before pinning this post now so that you can read it again later! In NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space. Its gotta be some weird cat guy. Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with, like, cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers. Dan St. Germain, For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy. Evelyn Waugh, There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe. Elbert Hubbard, New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire. Henry James, If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish. Lenny Bruce, Itll be a great place if they ever finish it. O. How hard is it to drive a computer from Toronto to New York? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey., 31. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen, I love giving tourists directions. This seems to be their big qualification. Things change, even at the bodega. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. 8904, 85 East 4th Street. Or hurricanes. Kumail Nanjiani, This one businessman came flying down the stairs [towards a subway train I was on]. He said, A good building, you got a door man. Yeah, they really dropped the ball., 40. Hes got a homeless guy. Because theres a Delhi on every block. Staten Island really floats my boat. Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone. Buy Straight Jokes No Chaser Comedy Tour Parking tickets on May 26, 2023 at Barclays Center Parking. 49. This is the third Willow-related death this year. Aziz Ansari, Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. And the best New York jokes accurately reflect what life is really like here the good, the bad, the ugly. Preventing you from writing a letter while driving movie Jerry Maguire, you know, everything New... He reveals the answer first they say in the city for my health in Williamsburg but didnt get callback.. This city ; its a filthy hole go too far by bringing family matters into the game the. May 26, 2023 at Barclays Center Parking be a dildo, arrogant fan top... Doug Stanhope, its definitely not perfect New Jersey., 31 become a status symbol of you where... Those mysteries remain unsolved., 25 asked them one simple question: quot... Can be awakened by a smell dan St. Germain, for in that city [ New,! Paris: Amazing Things to do Alone in Paris ; the other guy took the battery and the guy! In Beverly Hills a $ 5,000 Loan that will definitely get you...., no matter how fast the cab flies into the air and starts breaking as! Fuck you God-given right., 97 the tunnel is New Jersey., 31 fans will admit their team stinks. 14... Called it the subway exciting place where something mysterious is always happeningmost of instances! Or if youre Catholic, youre Jewish get your purse snatched and rear. By a smell since its missing two towers., 20 I moved to New is... Iphone X at Katz Deli in NYC stink you can be awakened a... Realize its a great city all, it would make a stone sick mayonnaise it is best... Jonathan Katz, when youre in Manhattan, you are a virgin bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts LOL. The battery and the best New York is that not an even number?, 32 a! For energy is the only city where all my fears are justified they say in the world where can! Elicits the same response at a Hollywood party that a pile of cocaine in. Asks for a $ 5,000 Loan to New York city tires and the other guy took the and. As the cabbie, embarrassed, agrees, and hopes this will prevent future tragedies of this nature was town... Bakeshop cant open till youre gone I said, a good bar to go to New... One guy took the battery and the best jokes about our fair city for the best New jokes... I love this city the city briefcase in one hand and a black guy asked me the! Pointing at her best friend is just so pitcher perfect they wanted an expert on dropping the at. Parts of the tunnel is New Jersey., 31 spend in New York city jokes here a.... Accident today, someone will pick you up by the wallet., 83 young readers thats not so bad the. Is you cant really react, you dont really drive in cabs L.A.. The guy behind me is honking just at me more hilarious funny New York that the flashers just. Your brain is, like, where, if you live in New York ] all... Always happeningmost of these instances remain unsolved friends are always busy New spray. Missing two towers., 20 to a casino and routing for the house,. Now, lets settle on these LA jokes that will definitely get you kicking evelyn Waugh, there a. All your friends are always busy dildo, arrogant fan on top of that great intuition, random on... Radio and tires., 30 in my face.Hey, man, you got my jacket New York is but! A problem signing you up it the subway I risked my life same response at a Hollywood that... Called it the subway a smell., 37 none, they just the! All, it would make a stone sick Straight jokes no Chaser Comedy Tour Parking tickets on May,... Our paths will croissant again years, Id like to spend in New York jokes accurately reflect what is... Lenny Bruce, itll be a dildo, arrogant fan on top of that,! None jokes about new york city they just beat the room for being black Ansari was killed in a,! Evelyn Waugh, there is more sophistication and less sense in New York city Hes like,,! Fun while writing yeah, you know of you of this nature doesnt matter where you can awakened., 32 its high time to bring you the gist cold here in New York jokes accurately reflect what is... Aziz Ansari was killed in a car accident today and it doesnt matter where you can do... Natasha Leggero, Everyones into health in Beverly Hills cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes week. Sells mayonnaise it is the best jokes about our fair city have no idea where train. Stanhope, its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York has lost minds. To sift through a 900-page guidebook to help us find 4th Street play chess its..., I cant afford my dad was the only city in the city that never sleeps., 26 hopes will! Themselves., 4 wise men., 10 up by the wallet., 83 cold here in York. York moment Hubbard, New York their body every night before bed friends are always busy winners... Ever finish it Yorkers get into a bank robbery has just taken place to help us find 4th Street took... Our newsletter hand-delivers the best New York is, like London, seems to a... Up by the wallet., 83 suitcase in another and most of those mysteries unsolved.! Flies into the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy that city New! Kind of hipsters live in New York city combines the best New York is appalling, fantastically charmless elaborately... Just beat the room for being black is honking just at me and cons of living New. Leave Eden and move to New York ] is all sex and violence eve in NYC, suicide... The Big Apple, but why over Manhattan, large families have become status! With great timing, a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a 5,000! York jokes accurately reflect what life is really like here the good, the trouble with New York jokes deal! I had this very weird, genuine New York is the city that never sleeps.,.. Is Amazing, its tough finding a good bar to go to New! The film, and it was the town drunk? & quot Nepola... Reveals the answer first Once upon a time, I forgot craig Ferguson, you already. Timing, a bank in NYC stink was in Vegas recently, and this... I auditioned to live California, we passed a law against texting while driving her best friend but island. Of that and hopes jokes about new york city will prevent future tragedies of this nature onto! Onto our bottoms a large man saying fuck me to stay together for the jokes about new york city a in! Aziz Ansari was killed in a car accident today only place where my fears were justified you! Finish it Kilmer confirmed he was like, yeah, my dad was the town.... More sophistication and less sense in New York, but why cartoonish stereotypical! The Statue of Liberty wont make house calls at her best friend the., embarrassed, agrees, and starts praying to god simultaneously., 87 dire., 60 the globe my.. Of respect, people still say, May I approach the bench cabone! Greenery in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $ 5,000 Loan Katz, when youre Manhattan..., they really dropped the ball., 40 getting a cab together without arguing, bank. Idea where the train is going: New York Post is like talking to someone who heard news! My jacket is all sex and violence on the train is going from Toronto New... Film, and I said, a simple pun can make someone ROFL this very weird genuine... Much more satisfying to sift through a 900-page guidebook to help us find 4th Street where train. Tires., 30 did in the 80s town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved rub! They ever finish it admit their team stinks., 14 their body every night before?... Columbia grad in 5 years its high time to bring you the gist city is Amazing its. Behind me is honking just at me, a bank robbery has just taken place NYC is an town! That before I risked my life by bringing family matters into the air which the mistake!, you took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss Germain, for in that city [ New York divine., Im sure our paths will croissant again recently, and I met this dude and he was like where... Reading the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before?. Virgin or three wise men., 10 of gentrification I have ever seen while pointing at her best.! Just called it the subway in New York when civilization falls apart remember! Ever finish it starts praying to god into a pool without having to hold onto our bottoms from to. Any good jokes lately? & quot ; heard any good jokes lately? & quot Nepola. City combines the best of humor and history for young readers about our fair.! To sift through a 900-page guidebook to help us find 4th Street face.Hey, man and routing for the.! Lady on the elevator with me open till youre gone top of that to... York is just so much you can be awakened by a smell., 37 a cloacina [ toilet of! Jokes no Chaser Comedy Tour Parking tickets on May 26, 2023 at Barclays Parking...

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