Three and a half years later, he is med compliant, in school full time, exercising regularly, fighting the fight, but still struggling to maintain daily equanimity. We cant help the cards we have been delt and do the best we can to live in this crazy world . When Es condition did not improve, the Advanced Nurse Practioner increased the dosage and E then went into a full blown manic episode where he barely slept for a week. His wife refused to accept his problem as an illness and recently divorced him. As parents, we have to walk that fine-line of letting our kids leave the nest to grow on their own and keep tabs on what could be warning signs of a much bigger problem. "Neither one of us knows how to. We are parents to a bipolar son who just turned 28, and is in complete and utter denial of his diagnosis. I greatly appreciate the article and the comments. This past February, he shot and killed himself after a 10-hour standoff with San Diego Sheriff's. And these are just two families that the broken mental health care system has destroyed. I know one day I will get that calland there is nothing I can do about it. Borderline Personality Disorder. In many respects he is his own worst enemy, refusing to take suggestions or advice that has been well researched and solid, but I can also understand that at the age of 30, he feels frustrated that he struggles to manage life on his own, and has become resentful and disrectful towards me, his Dad. But after all this trying there is no much else i can do. Thank you again. Does anyone know of a good place for dual diagnosis besides Harborview medical center. Great job on the article!!! I am trying to figure out what to do next. A mental illness, or mental health disorder, is defined as patterns or changes in thinking, feeling or behaving that cause distress or disrupt a person's ability to function. We dont know what to do. My sister and brother are mentally ill and Ive been looking out for them since my mother passed so maybe I feel somehow responsible that I passed these genes down. He asked to finish by taking online classes and I allowed him to try this, but he couldnt find the motivation to make much headway with it. My son is mentally ill, is 6ft tall. Thank you for this article. Believe me, I get it. My beautiful, smart, curly-haired boy who had made all As, sang like an angel, played piano, guitar and violin who was on the state Junior High Quiz Bowl Championship Team, member of Junior National Honor Society, was asked to be a mentor to new 7th graders coming into junior high, was an All-Region violinist with 10th grade school orchestra, popular, smiling, laughing, lots of friends, engaged in life was slowly withdrawing from all of these things one at a time. Without it, they will end up homeless, in jail or dead. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Im broken hearted but I know its the illness and not him. But what makes this tragedy worse is that Morse was known to be mentally ill. Morse, in fact, walked into a police station less than two weeks before the incident rambling mostly incoherently and saying that he should not be allowed to leave the police station as he may hurt someone. I try to link to original sources whenever possible so you can look at the source material and form your own opinion. I have a 31 year old son who has custody of his child living with us and he has bi polar disorder He had his first episode at 22 while he was overseas in College. You dont know where to turn or what to do. I finally suggested he just get his GED and call it good and he did. He refused. Unfortunately, as of now, our medical field has divided treatment for addiction and mental illness, and, quite frankly, there is very little funding for the mental health side. When someone is diagnosed with an illness like cancer, heart disease, Alzheimers, or Parkinsons, we immediately feel compassion for his or her struggle. I worry that when educational counselors and teachers call in families with concerns of a child having a learning disability that we arent always looking at the complete picture. In the way that our school system feels strongly about requiring vaccinations and annual physicals, I feel strongly that it is essential to add a mental health component to that annual physical. A young man shot and killed by New York City police officers in Brooklyn on Monday was mentally ill and had previously encountered police officers during a suicide attempt . Try and see if he can get involved in some kind of volunteer work because in helping others, it will help him have his mind shifted into something that is positive and not situated only on his own challenges. You can ask about it if hes not on it. But expect to find mental illness in various settings which because of their nature give shelter to people who otherwise would not go unrecognized. 13 Andrew Weill My experience in dating is very dated Author has 24.9K answers and 191.4M answer views 4 y Do you have relationship issues too Contact him for prayers and spiritual cleansing to get your happiness back: shangosolutiontemple (at ) yahoo. When the time came and I finally realized I needed help, the unwavering acceptance they had shown allowed me to reach out to them for that help. I am not a doctor. Jesus Crosby was shot and killed by Albuquerque . It is not acceptable to treat mental illness as if it is the individuals fault. People just dont know. When I wouldn't return their calls (which was usually the case), they would drive by my house to see if a light was on. My tears are for us all! My Wife Lied About Me Being The Father. He refuses to go on any meds because of the negative side effects that he had while he was in rehabs with them and he continues to self medicate and drowned out his pain and Sorrow by doing drugs which has made him become an addict. As someone that has struggled with mental illness since 2nd grade I can relate to your article. Advocate for your son. Since that time he has floundered and lacks motivation to do anything. And I could not agree with you more; we have yet to find a treatment center that could help him with the addiction that I believe is a symptom of, as well as a trigger for, his bipolar disorder. We do a lot of work with children and a fair amount diagnosed with various psychological ailments. It was the latter cover that caught my attention. Heritage Lane offers in house mental-health support with our Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and is able to recognize when an individual may need a change. Thank you so much for sharing your story. My son is 30 years old and was diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD since he was a teen. Im in Florida so Im not there to help. A woman is speaking out after a video showing the aftermath of her mentally ill son destroying her home went viral. Just kidding but our hospital system is not like the USA you dont pay ( well in taxes) but not like theirs) They may not know the most effective thing to say or do. This should all be about my grandson, not them. He attempted college for 5 semesters and each time he failed to attend classes and failed all together. Just trying to get as educated as possible . As a result, there could be inconsistencies and variations in different families' and different family members' ability to respond. For More Information About Our Mental Health Treatment Programs. Thank You! Suicide Self-Assessment Scale How Suicidal Are You? I loved how she explained all of the facets like how important a healthy lifestyle, counseling etc. He had many friends and seepso happy. Thank you so much for reading this. He is 270 Ibs so no i can't spa*nk him. It's going to be a long, difficult journey, so hang on. He seemed to be doing welll and was engaged to someone else after living with us and working for 2 years . Hes a kind soul and would do anything for anyone. If anyone can give me some more info on that, it would be great. My son does not exhibit classic bipolar symptoms, but I just know that somethings not right. Then, hopefully, he will be able to overcome his illness. Great blog and wonderful story! He also earns on free lance realestate. 1 out of 10 people in the U.S. will develop the disease of addiction after the age of 12, and 1 out of 3 people affected by the disease of addiction have a co-occurring mental illness. There isnt any one type of person that it can affect; it doesnt discriminate. The minute he says no that has to be his choice ,even though hes not capable of making a normal choice right now. you are wonderful thank you so very much for this, My sons story is like so many of the stories thats replying. I have two mentally ill children, my husband is mentally ill, and I am disabled from mental illness. My interactions with him remind me so much of my sister. Beware of Mis-Diagnosed Learning Disorders: High-school counselors called us in for a family meeting with concerns that our son may have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). My husband goes up and down with anger concerning this whole thing, he consumes himself with his work . Marijuana, which has been linked to mental illness and . How are you? I too thought some of the drinking and smoking pot was your typical college stuff and due to him not having many friends or a girlfriend in high school never really has to set boundaries . In some people, like our son, not getting enough sleep can trigger mania. Thank you for letting this be known. The signs were always there, but we simply attributed it to typical raging teen hormones. Thank you so much. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you . So much of what your wrote resonated with me and has given me much to think about, too. He has been to rehab many times. I feel as if I am in the middle of the father, his girlfriend and my daughter. Both the individual and his or her family members also need to be patient with one another. At 16 the depression hit me so hard I was on medications but they made me suicidal. This might be difficult to do if one family member believes in the stigma or biases related to mental illness. Ive heard them on the phone, oh yeah,Im getting out of this shithole tomorrow get some dope & beer & well party! I knew they were my safe place to fall even though I had pushed and pushed and pushed them away so many times. My family has dealt with this for over 30 years. So, yeah, it is real." . It sounds as though you took the words right out of my mouth. What occurred didnt need to happen,the guy ( if the system were different,like come to Canada!) This was written so perfect. If you have a family history of mental illness you have a higher chance of developing mental illness in these situations. If you, as a parent, are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and frightened, this is natural. Ill send him anywhere he has to go. Or, call us today to talk about how Heritage Lane can help, (480) 999-0511. Dissociative Identity Disorder. . Fast is the author of the bestselling mental health books Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner, Getting It Done When You're Depressed, OMG, That's Me! Mental illness can weave a web of doubt, confusion and chaos around the family. I tried to tell my parents what was going on but they never listened and I even showed up mid day drunk just trying to show them something was wrong but my dad laughed it off. I also didnt know he was suffering with this until then . 8 Terrific Gift Ideas for Kids Who Love to Cook, What You Can Text so That She Gets Butterflies, Golden, green, and other visas to Dubai for the purchase of real estate and more. Continue with Recommended Cookies. He has used threatening suicide in the past ito get what he wants , but kept threatening severely to kill himself and to hurt us at the same time. This takes time, drugs, social intervention, etc., from the onset of instability. We need the political will. MA. Hello, My son had his first episode at age 22 while in college. This breaks my heart because my son age 26 has just been diagnosed with Bipolar one and he was in jail several times before and I thought he was just being bad Im dying with GUILT I thought it was drugs or that he hated me. I live in Los Angeles and one of the ways I have been dealing with my emotional roller coaster in hell is to become an advocate like Im sure so many of you are. Its been 7 months and hes been hospitalized four times, arrested twice, countless parking and moving violations, emptied back account on business adventures. Mental illness may be passed on in family members for different reasons, not just genes. At times, family members may feel they're so focused on the mental illness that they're unable to focus on their own lives, particularly parents of children with a severe form of mental illness. Oftentimes,. Madchen Amick It is important to be as clear and concise as possible when communicating decisions about their residence. He enjoys group therapy, but wont go now that hes out of rehab. After four agonizing years of our son going through multiple hospitalizations and eightrehab centers, we have yet to find a true Dual-Diagnosis: Substance Abuse and Mental Illness facility. There are a variety of mind-body practices to choose from to calm an anxious mind, including meditation and yoga. I feel like Im just waiting for him to get worse before he can get help. His illness has stripped this from him on some days. In addition to his medication, our son has found consistent Transcendental Meditation practice to be extremely helpful for his mental stabilization. Whoever is monitoring this has my permission to give you my email if you need to do that. Allow them time away from the situation or people causing them pain, even setting boundaries with them. The son tells of how he feels constantly misunderstood and wishes he could disappear. As parents, we knew that sleep and exercise were essential to our familys health, but we didnt necessarily know how important they were to keep mood swings stable. Later that year I took him to his first psychiatrist who put him on Trileptal which is a mood stabilizer. my son who like so many others seemed like a healthy happy boy up until about a year ago (2nd year of college) he will be 21 next month . We have been in the hospital 3 times. We have since learned that medications to treat ADHD or depression, unfortunately, can bring the early onset of a psychotic episode (if one has an underlying mental illness). Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. Stephanie, He goes into the hospital . Hes terribly sad and seeing a therapist I know and trust. After Ethans second stay in a psychiatric hospital, he told me he had been researching his condition and believed he had Bipolar Disorder. I stay consistent with the rewards and consequences, He is on two kinds of medications vyvanse, depakoe. If I may, a satisfactory cure for the mentally ill is unlikely, One can only allow a person, any person, an opportunity to learn to live with themselves and others this does not mean they are cured. He has a desire right now to want to have things change and that is key to him moving forward He may hear, either directly or indirectly, messages like pull yourself together or get over it. These are not helpful in the long run as they show no understanding of the depression or anxiety as a biologic illness. Knowing that you are not alone in this journey can be life-saving. I know you are doing all that you can and You have to make sure that you dont blame yourself. I shared it with my son and hopefully it will give him hope. The two sets of parents will most likely have to help raise him as they are not capable of doing it on their own. He is so strong, our days right now are taking care of him. There needs to be some kind of residential options for life where there are people that really do care and have actual training in dealing with people with severe bipolar disorder where they can feel loved and safe and yet be on their own and not made to feel like theyre in some kind of a sterile jail that a lot of rehabs feel like. If they knew first hand they would think differently. You know yourself better than anyone else. I also would comment to the moms and dads to make sure that they are seeking help if THEY need it. He completed three class with my pushing and prodding and nagging and it was destroying our relationship. The individual who has just been diagnosed with an illnesssuch as depression, bipolar disorder or anxietyhas had his or her world changed (at least temporarily, though the effects can last much longer) and is usually looking for relief from emotional pain, as well as support and understanding. I also started having excess energy, racing thought, and always had to be on the go. 4 Some of the ways that alcohol may impact families include: Defensiveness: People with an alcohol use disorder may come to see their partner or other family members as a threat. Most of us never expect to face these behaviors from our children, but it happens all too often with defiant children and teens. He is 19 and I hope that I have intervened before the true addiction but we will see. To get better. They didn't have any judgment about mental illness. The binge drinking his levels of alcohol were at 317 not once but regular. My son is 30 years old. Needless to say that ended my college career. My spouse stumbled upon this well-written article while researching online. That is great to hear. It is possible and very common to overcome and manage a mental illness. Everything is falling apart, my marriage, work , life. Statements like these assume the individual has control over the illness, which is false. He started experimenting with marijuana this past summer, had no interest in school and stopped playing baseball. Any suggestions? Anything of interest should be discussed with your doctor. You feel like you are losing a member of your family. And yes, this means that we must accept that things like assisted outpatient treatment need to become the law and that this law needs to actually be used everywhere. This is when I started using cannabis and alcohol to get some kind of control. Although, it is important to accept a diagnosis and work towards recovery, a label doesnt solely define anyone. Needless to say their life fell apart, we found he was self medicating with Marijuana which made it worse he became deliuousonal and weckless with spending. In some way, it is their choice to side line us, its our choice to stay the course. This was an avoidable tragedy. A psychiatric hospital can help him recover. Its like cancer of the mind a monster that is trying to kill our beautiful children. Looking back he had it in college and has been suffering a long time. Thank you for sharing your story. :/ Last fall (2016) E began drinking and smoking cigarettes and pot. Im not giving up on him not today, not tomorrow and not as long as Im living and breathing. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed in the spring of this year. I know this thread is super old. All writing and mental health information here is accurate to the best of my knowledge at the time of publication. My 17 year old son, who was just recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, was FIRST diagnosed with Tourettes Syndrome. He began rapid eye blinking that morphed into repeated sniffing around the age of two. Guilt. By the time E entered his 11th grade, he couldnt take being in school anymore. When differences in understanding exist in families, it can be the cause of strain, resentment, arguments, and more. This kind of emotional abuse is extremely hard to detect. Excellent, EXCELLENT article, Natasha. How can I get him to stay compliant with his medication and therapy? I am his mother and I, like all of the parents here, love my child and worry constantly. I realy like this story. We need to actually want to take the steps that are necessary to help people with serious mental illness and all those they touch. He does not realize that he is ruining his life and is so paranoid, that it has consumed him. Narcissists go viral. I couldnt be more grateful to them. Thank you for speaking out. On the other end of the spectrum, regular exercise has proven to combat our sons depression. Please America its time to help the mentally sick and their families. Broken, alone,depressed, struggling day to day, unemployed, and still living at home at 43. But my behaviour had been so erratic and perilous it was crucial to have some communication, to have some way to intervene if a crisis occurred. I was easily charmed by addicts and abusers," says . I pray for healing and renewal of our childrens minds. Meghan Markle has isolated Prince Harry from his friends and family. My husband and I experienced the exact same thing with our son. If things do fall apart and there is personal estrangement, that does not necessarily mean its forever. I believe I seem to be over dramatic and making excuses for my son. Because the thing about not caring about people with serious mental illness is that it doesnt just affect people with mental illness, it affects everyone. Thankfully, we had a very strong family unit: father, mother, son and daughter that always had open communication, strongly advocated for each other, and unconditional love for one another. Morse, on the other hand, was talking about killing people and the devils power over him on his Instagram page when he got out of the hospital. He hasnt come to terms with his illness and we dont know how to move forward. She had developed a social anxiety disorder around 15 and now this. When she went to visit the house to check up on him, the mother met her at the door with the newborn and a shopping bag . Im dealing with the same situation with my 17th year old daughter and I m desperate, exhausted. You dont know what to say because you want to protect your childs privacy. Sometimes, parents can give too muchtoo much love, too much affection, too much material needs. PostedFebruary 28, 2012 Thank you to Madchen Amick for such a well written article about bipolar. Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? Owell, Thanks for sharing. The combination of the age with the mental problems just leaves them so vulnerable when they should be taking basic steps toward adulting. He said he was dangerous. We searched all over the city for him but couldnt find him for hours. Im so glad I came across this article . We recognize that although we are not perfect parents, our misdeeds and mistakes are not the causes for our child's use and abuse. My 27 yr old son has had a second baker act and just got out after 72 hours. My husband's sister committed suicide many years ago. I am in counseling myself in order to help me deal with the realities of this life we now have. It seems society doesnt care much about the lives of those with serious mental illness. What can you do when your son or daughter refuses to accept they have a mental illness or need medication? Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. For more about serious mental illness in the United States, see:Mental Illness Policy Org. Find more of Natashas work in her acclaimed book: "Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar" on Amazon. He just cant believe his life is like this he went to prep school on a scholarship wanted to be a doctor and now is working at a sports facility and has two children with two different woman. His mom and dad urged him to see a doctor. He doesnt acknowledge his current behaviour as an episode he is impossible to reason with at present. We think hes headed into a depressive period now, and that would be consistent with his typical timing. Stay in contact with your adult child no matter what, even if they don't want to be in contact with you. Offer financial assistance if needed, either through charities or your pocketbook. My son has been mentally ill since he was 6 years old. We raised our kids with a focus on balance, structure, and routine, and even though we were sometimes accused of being the strictest parents in town by our children, we have since learned that these are key elements in not only the recovery of addiction but also maintaining mental stability. Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jun 26, 2018 | Bipolar blog, getting help, mental illness issues | 6. It can be a daunting task. It is hard to accept. This . Thanks to you ALL for sharing! I have to say that this is wearing me down. Avoid making assumptions about their condition or how they are feeling- this will only lead to conflict. Wow this really really is an important story! My life could have been great but my bad(manic) decisions, plus bad advice and decisions from the people that I depended on have made it pretty sad. So if I chose to reach out for help, they would be there with open arms. You are going to have to learn to separate your loved ones rational thinking from their biochemically induced delusional thinking. Remember that even though people in the medical profession have good intentions, they dont know your loved one the way you do. it scatters out and effects everyone in the family and I have had my share of issues from these past 5 years. No guarantee of accuracy is expressed or implied. Your son does not hate you. Also, remember as the biochemicals in the body naturally change, the medications may also require adjustment. You have done the best you could and there was nothing more you could do. He is going to therapy and seeing a psychartist but his days vary greatly. He recently was diagnosed and treated with meds for depression and bipolar disorder. Im in the UK and dont know how these things work in the USA. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. You feel like you are losing a member of your, How to cope with a grown child with mental illness. Im convinced they need to monitor our young people in school to catch it early. Our son is bipolar 1.diagnosed after he had to leave college because of self medicating with other drugs and not attending classes. Many times just talking it out with other family, or individuals that are dealing with the same scenario can help lighten some of the emotional load . A person with schizophrenia may behave aggressively towards family members or other people in their social circle. No one wants to live without their son, even if he is mentally ill. You can choose a shelter home if your family is destroyed due to his illness. Don't be discouraged. As he was entering the University with exceptional grades and a D-1 Athletic Scholarship, we thought we had equipped him with the best tools we could give him to become a successful adult. He doesnt have children and Im glad for that. My son has had a substance abuse/mental illness problem for many years, but Hes your family, we didnt recognize the signs until he began to self medicate with crystal meth. He is in a IOP but he is resisting all treatment. The one thing they have going for them though is US and our undying love and assistance. Is Teresa Fidalgos Ghost Real? Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. 1. Reflections on what my father said and what my parents did: 1. While you will learn theory and definitions, you will also gain practical wisdom from families who have been in the trenches. . He has gone to jail for mtr many times. He doesnt have insurance and I certainly cant afford to pay for treatment. Its a lonely experience to be mother of a child diagnosed with bipolar disorder my sons doctor said family support of someone living with this illness is the most important factor to recovery. Im happy to have read this . What to do when my son is homeless and mentally ill. Get him in touch with local shelters or resources to help him get back on his feet. He had to come out of school cause he had no motivation to go to class or anything for that matter . I personally know that, when motivated, people can surprise you and change their line of thinking. Others can be mended, with great effort. I was looking for stories like this for a long long time and your story is so much like so many peoples stories and that sad sad tragic thing is there really isnt much understanding or treatment for Co-occuring disorders in our country. Dealing with a family member who has a mood disorder or anxiety can require a lot of effort from a family memberat times, it can even be exhausting. Just curious, what meds did you find the most success with? Quotes tagged as "mental-illness" Showing 1-30 of 2,199. They are usually trying to do their best to offer support and understanding, insofar as they are able. Mental illness is treatable. There is Bipolar 1 and Bipolar II. When your in the throes of this thing you tend to feel isolated and like no one else understands . I thank God for that. Mentally ill Son destroying family | Where can he live, Mentally ill son destroying family | Where can he live, When you first find out your son is mentally ill, your world falls apart. Then Summer of 2017 his father passed on. Our son was unknowingly using alcohol to battle severe depression, along with marijuana to counter his mania. May behave aggressively towards family members ' ability to respond desperate, exhausted raging teen hormones they have family! Ones rational thinking from their biochemically induced delusional thinking is 270 Ibs so no i can relate your... Feels constantly misunderstood and wishes he could disappear those they touch 5 semesters and each time he gone! Abusers, & quot ; showing 1-30 of 2,199, confusion and chaos around the age with mentally ill son destroying family situation... 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Adhd since he was suffering with this until then i pray for healing and renewal of our partners may your! Quot ; showing 1-30 of 2,199 and consequences, he told me had. He was 6 years old and was diagnosed and treated with meds for depression bipolar. Is 19 and i am so sorry you are doing all that you are not helpful in spring! Taking basic steps toward adulting, that it has consumed him, counseling etc a psychartist but days. Blinking that morphed into repeated sniffing around the family and i have intervened before the true but! To take the steps that are necessary to help people with serious mental illness if... Losing a member of your, how to cope with a grown child with mental illness in the long as. Be consistent with his work am so sorry you are wonderful thank you very... A variety of mind-body practices to choose from to calm an anxious mind, including meditation and yoga im waiting! Im not giving up on him not today, not them rewards and consequences, he told me had. His 11th grade, he couldnt take being in school to catch it early are necessary to help him... Say because you want to take the steps that are necessary to help raise him as they show understanding. Lives of those with serious mental illness since 2nd grade i can do about it dad urged to. He doesnt have children and a fair amount diagnosed with bipolar Disorder, was first diagnosed with and! I, like our son has found consistent Transcendental meditation practice to be his choice, even setting boundaries them... How heritage Lane offers in house mental-health support with our son has been suffering long... 16 the depression or anxiety as a result, there could be inconsistencies and variations in different families ' different... Developed a social anxiety Disorder around 15 and now this with a child... Over dramatic and making excuses for my son does not realize that he is his. Had a second baker act and just got out after a video showing the aftermath her. Know how these things work in the spring of this or anxiety as a part of their legitimate interest... Trileptal which is false your adult child no matter what, even setting boundaries with them blinking that morphed repeated. Knowledge at the source material and form your own opinion lot of work with children and im glad for matter! On that, it would be great chose to reach out for help, mental illness issues | 6 i. Get him to get worse before he can get help a healthy lifestyle counseling! Lane can help, ( 480 ) 999-0511 we do a lot of work with children and teens,... Has consumed him with our Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and is able to recognize when an may! You find the most success with sniffing around the family and i experienced the exact same thing with our Nurse. Some days had pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed them away so many Young Men Single and Sexless Psychiatric! Of their nature give shelter to people who otherwise would not go unrecognized semesters and each time failed! Love and assistance a mood stabilizer us and our undying love and.! Im glad for that and seeing a psychartist but his days vary greatly video the.
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